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When we last left Astropup, he was flying into the mouth of a giant space ship shaped like a bird (see Astropup for Freedom). At the centre of the space ship is a giant tree holding up the nests and families of thousands upon thousands of highly intelligent birds. Astropup’s commanding officer, the major (who is a parrot) wants to stay. So will our Space Dog hero be stranded on the Ship of Birds?

Read by Richard Scott. Story by Bertie. Duration 16.59.

Astropup here again. Last time I left the story at an exciting moment, and I could hear some of you howling at the moon saying : Tell me, do please tell me, Astropup, What happened next? Well here we go again, back to the weird and wonderful ship of birds.

I’ve given you some idea of how many different types of birds there were inside that space ship. What I haven’t described yet is the noise they made. As we opened the hatch of our craft, the sound of all that twittering and tweeting, not to mention squawking, was as deafening as it was confusing. It was like you could hear every creature who had ever lived or died all talking at once. I wanted to howl, only I knew that nobody would hear me over all that din. But it was surprising how soon I got used to it. My brain just stopped listening.

We had landed somewhere near the foot of the great tree. It was at the centre of the ship of birds. Its branches supported their nests and families. I began to sniff its roots, and the parrot said:

“Whatever you do, don’t lift your leg at that trunk.”

“I wouldn’t dream of such a thing,” I protested.

A flock of doves came to great us, carrying worms and nuts in their beaks as offerings to make us welcome. The parrot politely took a nut. I hoped nobody would be offended if I didn’t eat the wiggling worm that was dropped at my feet.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to follow the feathery ones to wherever it was that they wanted to take us, because that would involve flying. The Major went off with them. I was content to dip my tongue into a cool stream that was flowing not far away, to sniff the scent of ducks on the water, to chase a pretty butterfly, and then to fall asleep in the long grass that covered the floor of the giant space bird. This was the way to travel, I thought, once you get used to the noise. The problem with our own space craft was that it was designed by humans. They would never think of including anything so pleasant as a blade of grass let alone a single duck in one of their vehicles.

I learned what the Major had been up to when he fluttered back and hour or two later. He had been granted an audience with a most remarkable bird. He was an ancient owl – at least 250 years old – and his brain served as the ship’s computer. That’s right, they just plugged him in, and he controlled the whole caboodle. Now that’s what I call smart. He lived right at the top of the tree – as you would expect – and he was surrounded by exotic birds who tended to his every need.

“They’re the most gorgeous creatures you ever did see!” Squawked the parrot, and I could see that their plumage had impressed him. Fortunately, he had picked up a bit of interesting info too. The birds came from a planet that had been invaded by the cat people. At the time of this calamity, the owl had been leading a project to build the giant bird ship. As the computer was not yet complete, he simply plugged his brain in to the control panel, and took off with as many of his feathered friends, friends of feathered friends, and friends of friends of feathered friends, as he could gather. There were about a 1000 of them to begin with, but since then they had multiplied many times over. I asked the parrot:

“How many birds are there now?”

“I would say that there’s at least a myriad,” he replied.

I didn’t know how many a myriad was, but I had never learned to count anyhow.

Next I asked if these clever feather brains could fix our space craft.

“They already have,” he replied. And I thumped my tale on the ground with glee.

“We’ll be on our way back home then,” I said hopefully, But something told me that salvation was not going to be as simple as that. And I was right. The Major shook his head.

“Nawww,” he said, “I like it here. And besides, If I go back to Earth, the humans will court marshal me for disobeying orders. But you go back if you like. I’m not stopping you.”

That remark made me growl. He knew perfectly well that I didn’t know how to fly the ship. That was his job. Without the Major, I was going nowhere. It was all very well for him to hang out here. There were enough nuts and fancy-feathered friends to set up a parrot for life. But it’s beneath the dignity of a dog to eat worms – unless he’s really hungry that is. I could have murdered a pheasant or a wood pigeon, but even my dodgy doggy brain realised that such a diet might be bad form in a place like this.

And so I chewed on a few sticks, because there wasn’t anything better to do. I was impressed that our parrot had picked up the language of these alien birds so soon, but then he let slip that he hadn’t. They had deciphered his Earthly squawks in a matter of minutes. He was only just beginning to puzzle out their lingo. I began to realise that there is smart, and there is smarter still.

Now, I’m not normally one to be envious of cats who, as you know, are the most despicable creatures in the universe. But I began to wish that I knew how to climb trees, because I was longing to see more of this incredible bird world. I don’t know if those birds were so clever that they could read my thoughts, but they soon sent a giant swan who offered to pick me up on his back and take me for a site seeing flight around the ship.

It was quite scary up there, clinging onto the swan’s neck with my front legs but it was a flight that I shall never forget. We swooped in and out of the branches of that giant tree and saw every coloured feather from gray sparrows to electric blue kingfishers, and many others besides. I saw flocks of quick thinking birds, all plugged into the ship’s power system, and the Wise Old Owl himself, thinking deep thoughts while birds of paradise groomed his feathers. But just as I was getting used to this form of transport, the swan swooped sharply around the top of the tree and turned upside down. And then, oh dear, I was falling to the ground, and it was a long long way: …OWWWWWWWWW! MURDERRRRRRR!

As you can imagine, I thought that my number was up, but that sneaky swan assassin had miscalculated. I ended up in a huge nest of feathers that had been collected from all over the ground by worker sparrows. It was the softest landing I could have hoped for, but one that made me sneeze. Now I was under no illusions. These birds might look pretty and harmless, but they were deadly when they wanted to be. The major recked that perhaps they were frightened of me – thought I might be tempted to eat a duck or something.

“I’d lie low for a while, if I were you,” he said.

“Well thanks very much,” I woofed, and crawled off into some bushes to sleep. The food had run out, and I was pretty hungry by now. In fact I was quite tempted to try my luck at a duck.

Meanwhile, the Major applied to the senior birds for a job as a space engineer, but they wouldn’t have him. Apparently they weren’t too impressed with his efforts with soldering iron on board our own ship. They said a dog could have fixed wires together better. Now I’m the first to admit that that’s not strictly true, but the drift was that if a the Major is a brainy bird in our world, among this flock of fellows, he was just averagely smart, if not a downright a dunderhead. And when I turned this over in my canine brain, I had one of my occasional but big thoughts.

Everything is relative, you see.

Ok, now I have travelled around the universe, I admit that there are things that are absolutely true always and everywhere. Like, where ever you go, cats are mad and can’t be trusted. The only other universal I know of is that Might is Right – like whoever is in charge, they make up the rules and say what’s ok and what’s not, according to what suits them. All the rest – well it’s just different where ever you go. When you are in another world, you can’t be sure what’s wrong and what’s right. Sometimes I ask, is it always wrong to bite a postman? Probably, but GRRRR I just can’t help myself!

I don’t mean to get too deep. The fact is, our parrot was out classed by these bird brains, but he wasn’t so dim that he didn’t know it.

Both he and I were unemployed. He hopped over to my hideout in the bushes. I could see his head was hanging low. I asked him what most of the birds did for a living in this ship, and he said.

“Transcendental mathematics,”

Apparently these birds plugged their brains together and thought about circles. They had calculated the ratio of a circumference to a diameter to fifteen billion decimal points.

I haven’t a clue what that means by the way, and if you do, well you’re smarter than this old space dog, and you’re not the only one. But to put it simply: the ship of birds was powered by thoughts. All that fiendishly clever feathered thinking generated enough renewable energy to take them where ever they wanted to go, which by and large was nowhere in particular. The only job our friend the parrot could get on board this ship was as a common thinker. He would have to sit plugged into the the ship’s power system contemplating circles all day. It was what thousands of birds did around this place. And do you know what the major said when they offered him the job.

Well perhaps you can guess.

“No thank you.”

He was used to being someone rather more special you see.

And that’s why, after two week’s on board the Ship of Birds, our friend the Parrot, a Major in the Space force, finally decided to fly us back home to earth, even though he knew he would have to face a court marshal for disobeying orders.

I can’t say the birds on board were too sorry to see us go. Some kind blue tits brought us a big supply of nuts and berries to see us home. By the time we reached earth I was a much slimmed down space dog.

As the Parrot had predicted, the humans put him in a cage soon after we touched down. He was charged with disobeying orders on a critical mission, and ordered to stand trial before a court marshal of the Space Force. One day I’ll tell you what happened to him.
But I’m glad to say that the Major told the humans that I was innocent.

“Don’t bother to arrest him,” he squawked. “He’s too stupid to disobey orders.”

Well not the most flattering remark, but I wasn’t complaining, because I was off home to see my jenny.

That that was the story of Astropup and the Ship of Birds.

I do hope that you’ve enjoyed Astropup’s recently adventures – and are glad that he’s come back to us after a gap of some years. Bertie says it’s one of the biggest comebacks in the history of Storynory. Talking of which, we are still looking forward to Natasha’s return, but unfortunately can’t quite say when that will be.

Bye the way, if you are listening on our iPhone app, look out for the bonus audio that Bertie’s going to be publishing there. He’ll be bringing you a quick guide to the planets.

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Since Astropup last went into space, he has started to think big thoughts about the universe. Now he is torn between the love of his owner, Jenny, and his thirst for space exploration. He returns to the launchpad for another mission with his companion the Major (who is a parrot in the Space Force). But this time the Major takes matters into his own beak.

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Read by Richard Scott. Story by Bertie. Duration 17 minutes.

Hello, my name’s Astropup, and if you are one of the pack that heard my earlier adventures, you’ll know that I have seen wonders and abominations in all four corners of the Universe. But in between my voyages through space, I lead a normal family life. I live with a little girl called Jenny who looks after me. You may recall that Jenny and her family moved to a sunny part of the world called Kuwait. Their home was in a compound surrounded by a high fence. There were other houses for the families called “expats”, and we all shared a big garden with shady palm trees and cooling fountains. Some might have called it Paradise.

Every now and then, I would come across a cat creeping through the flower beds on its fat belly. I found that I had lost the urge to chase such pathetic creatures. When you have seen all infinity, you have bigger thoughts on your mind than pesky felines. Yes, thoughts, they were what ailed me. I hadn’t had many of them before, but seeing other worlds and meeting alien life forms expands a dog’s mind. I started to wonder if pampering and love might be a sort of slavery. I had an itch for freedom, and you couldn’t scratch it. I had seen the Planet of the Cats. I longed to discover the Planet of the Dogs.

Sometimes I would put my paw in Jenny’s hand and she would gaze at me with loving eyes and say:

“Don’t worry darling Bonzo. I’m never ever going to let them shoot you up into space again. If they come to get you, I’ll hang on to you and I won’t let go. They’ll have to send me with you to the other side of the heavens, and Daddy will never let them do that.”

“Bonzo” was what she called me by the way. It was an affectionate name, but it didn’t seem to fit me anymore. By then I thought of myself as Astropup, the space explorer. My exterior was same fluffy, waggy friend that Jenny had known since puppyhood. But on the inside, I had changed.

The cruelest, most gut wrenching moment of my life took place one day in the garden of our compound. I was lying under an orange tree, when I heard an unhappy voice from within the house. It was jenny crying and saying, “No no. I won’t let them take him. He’s my dog and he belongs here down on Earth, with me, for ever.”

Jenny ran out into the garden and flung her arms around me. I licked her face to tell her that I loved her, but I felt another force tugging at my heart. I saw a man with a Parrot sitting on his shoulder. He was my old friend and comrade – the parrot I mean – and he squawked, “Hurry up old boy. The rocket’s on the launch pad”. And with a woof I bounded over and joined him.

As we drove off, I pressed my nose against the back window of the van, and I saw Jenny standing in the doorway of the house with tears in her eyes. My heart was wrenched into two.

Well I had chosen adventure over the cushy life, and boy I got it. I’ve told you before how take-off is a nasty experience, well this was a blast to remember, because as we were going up, and the g-force was pulling our stomachs down, I saw a piece of metal fly past our window. The Major – that was the parrot – saw it too. “Uh-oh,” he said, And oh, how I wished I was back in the arms of Jenny.

But eight minutes later we reached orbit safely, and all systems seemed to be A-ok. It’s so tranquil up there that it’s hard to worry. I gazed back down at the world. and thought how life goes round in circles like a pup chasing its tail. Even space travel becomes routine after you’ve done it a few times. Well the mechanics of it do, but I’ll always feel a sharp thrill at the start of an adventure: It’s more exciting than even the waft of rabbit scent on the wind. Our mission was only a small one. A quick trip to Mars. My role was to dig in an ancient river bed and bring back samples of Marsian mud. The humans thought they might contain microscopic life forms.

The Major’s job was to set the coordinates, and fire us off in the direction of the Red Planet. He was a cool -headed bird, and normally he worked calmly and methodically at the control panel. It beats me how he remembered which buttons to press, but he did. This time I noticed that his head was nodding more frantically than usual. That worried me. My worst fears were confirmed when he squawked into the microphone;

“Houston, we have a problem”.

The human chatter from the speakers grew quite intense, but the voice of the controller remained calm. He said.

“Ark 3” – that was our ship – “Remain in orbit. A rescue shuttle is standing by.”

I was pleasantly surprised. I had assumed that the humans would leave us hanging up there, rather than go to the trouble of rescuing a bird and a dog. Perhaps the ship was too expensive to dump. But the Major replied:

“Hold on. I can fix it.”

He was grasping an electric screw driver between his claws and undoing a panel. I had never seen him do anything like that. The human controller was saying.

“Major. Your orders are to stay in orbit and await assistance. Do not attempt maintenance. Repeat, do not attempt maintenance”

I added my bark to that, but something seemed to snap inside the Major’s feather breast. He jutted his beak at me:

“Shut your snout and that’s an order.” It was unusual for the parrot to be so petulant. I don’t think he liked being told what to do, even by the humans.

After he had been working for half an hour with a soldering iron, he said “Houston. I’ve patched in the emergency booster.” The human controller was saying: “Do not engage the booster. Remain in orbit and await assistance.”

I gruffed, “Better do what the humans say. It’s their show.”

But the Major replied: “Yeah, yeah yeah, I know what I’m doing. I’m not just a pretty polly you know.”

He pecked on the controls and a few seconds later we were rushing across the galaxy at four times the speed of light. The Major looked like a very pleased parrot. He had wanted to prove something to the humans, and he had done it – or so he thought. We had only been going a few hours when a red light started to flash on the control panel. I noticed it through my half closed eyelid.

“Wake up,” said the Major. “We’re almost there.” But I felt in my tail that something was wrong. I looked up at the space chart on the ceiling. Mars was marked with a red circle. Our position was marked with a green light. The two were nowhere near each other. In fact, even to a simple minded hound such as myself, it was obvious that we were heading in wrong direction. I sat staring it.

“What’s up?” asked the Major.

“We’re lost. That’s what’s up,” I said.

“Naaa!” he replied. But then he saw what I was looking at, and his face turned from yellow to bright yellow.

I couldn’t help myself. I howled and bayed:

“Aw-aw-awwwwwwwww! I should never have left my Jenny!”

The Major started to work at the computer, but I could tell that he didn’t really have a clue how to get us out of this pickle. He was a brainy bird alright, but on this occasion, too smart for his own good, and mine, unfortunately.

I curled up in my kennel and tried to sleep. Our oxygen and water could be recycled indefinitely. If were were careful not to woof our grub down all at once we could keep going for two, maybe three months : but the end result would be the same: starvation in space. I wondered if, when it came to it, I would eat the parrot. I hoped not, because he had been my friend, as well as my doom.

We didn’t hear anything from the humans. Either we were too far away, or they were fed up with us. The parrot worked continuously at the computer for a week, but we kept on heading in entirely the wrong direction. Eventually he said.

“Alright. I’m sorry. You were right. I should have obeyed orders. “

“Don’t fret your feathers” , I said. “I forgive you. At least we will go out gloriously, as creatures of freedom.” 

But how I wished I hadn’t left home. I began to think that if pampering and three meals a day is slavery, then perhaps freedom is overrated. And if it was our destiny to die in space, I would rather have gone down fighting the cat people than wasting away slowly of hunger.

The Major set the computer to beam out a Mayday signal. Actually, we broadcast “Help, Save our Skins” in all the languages that the Major knew, which included parrot, general bird language, animal speak, English, Japanese, and a bit of German. He couldn’t bark, but he could understand dog language. He spoke to me in English and I woofed back. He asked me to record an “SOS”, and added my own “OW-OW-OWWWWW! to the tape.

I can’t say either of us expected to meet anyone up there, but the Universe is so much smaller than you think, or at least that’s what I always find. After about a month of helpless wandering, the Parrot started to squawk excitedly.

“Dog. Dog. Wake up ! We’re saved. Either that or death will come quickly. In any case, our suffering is at an end.”

I rushed over to the window, and could not help letting out a series of excited yaps. A space craft was approaching us, and the nearer it came, the bigger it got. It was huge. I mean the size of an oil tanker or two – and I’ve barked at some out in the gulf off Kuwait so I know what I’m talking about. It was not shaped at all like our own ship. It was more like a bird, with great wings out of the side. It was painted all sorts of bright colours. In fact, it look liked a giant Parrot.

“Oh no. Oh no. It’s alive!” I yelped.

The beak of this ginormous bird opened and it was clear that was going to swallow us up. This was to be our end. A snack for a space monster. There was nothing we could do. Our course was set straight into its mouth. I said goodbye to the stars and saw my life flash before me. I thought of my mother, my six brothers and sisters, the first squirrel that I caught (and then let go), of the day that Jenny chose me and took me home, and of our two trips to the Planet of the Cats.

But as all but the dimmest among you will have gathered, since I am here to tell this tale, this was not the end. It was not a bird that swallowed us up, but a space craft.

When I opened my eyes I saw that the inside of the ship was filled with branches, like a giant tree. We were surrounded by thousands of birds. Some were sitting, some were flying, some were pecking, and still others were doing one of those things and pooping at the same time.

The Parrot stared in amazement through the window. Eventually he said one word.

“Civilisation!”

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Quite a while ago, we heard from a dog called Astropup who told us about his adventures in space with clever parrot and a treasonous cat. The years have gone by, and Astropup has been continuing to have adventures. Now he returns to recount some of them.

Natasha is taking a break for a few weeks. We know that you will miss her. We are already – and she’s hardly been away yet ! But we do think that you will enjoy the voice of Richard Scott who is standing in for her.

That’s not the only news. We have a new sponsor Sweatpea3 who make an MP3 player that is specially designed for kids. It’s durable and easy to use, and it’s also cute. We think you will love it. Audible continue to back us too and we are grateful to both our sponsors.

Read by Richard. Story by Bertie. Duration 16.38.

Hello My name’s Astropup, which fitted me quite well way back when I was a young scalawag, but these days I’m more of an old space dog. If you’ve got a good memory, you might recall my first yarn on Storynory.com quite a while ago. That was when I travelled with a brainy parrot and a treasonous cat to a distant planet where cat people were the top dogs, so to speak. I’ve zoomed around the galaxy quite a bit since then, been there, done that, and thought you might like hear about some of my adventures. Well here goes.

After I got back from the abysmal Planet of the Cats, the people at the space centre hung a medal from my collar. For a short happy while, I returned to Jenny, the little girl who cares for me, but it wasn’t long before my other master – duty – was calling me again. As I had so successfully completed one mission, the humans wanted me for the next one. Better the dog you know, so to speak. They had picked up a signal from outer space. The voice sounded like a bark, and the scientists took it as evidence of an intelligent canine species from another world – one perhaps even smarter than sheep dogs.

Once again my traveling companion was the Parrot, who was a Major in the Space Force. His real name is a top secret, and although I do in fact know it, I can’t tell it to you. In any case, I always called him The Major. The Major wasn’t very talkative, or even very squarkative, for a parrot, but when he did speak, he always made good sense, like the time when he told me:

“Cats aren’t clever, you know, they’re cunning, and there’s a big difference.”

I won’t tell you all about lift off, and what a scary horrid feeling it is when you leave this world. I described all that terrible clattering and juddering in my first story. It was more bearable this time because we knew what to expect, and because we didn’t have to endure that cowardly cat screeching “We’re all going to die” every five seconds.

I’m sure that if our spacecraft had been made for humans, there would have been every convenience, like sofas to lie on, carpets to chew on, and gourmet meals out of the freezer. But we animals and birds are second class citizens, even when we are saving the world. You’ve seen the boot of an estate car. Well that’s what our living quarters were like. You couldn’t even open the window. The parrot had a perch. I had a rubber bone. That was our lot for luxuries.

The Major is a brainy bird, and he understood a lot more scientific stuff than I ever will. He said the humans had found a way to bend space, so that we hurtled along at four times the the speed of light without actually going forward in time. Look, if you don’t understand that last sentence, neither do I, so don’t let it bother you. All you have to know is that this form of travel was too new, too untried, and too dicy for humans.

Once we had said goodbye to Earth, it was basically just us and the universe. I can’t tell you how quiet it is out there. And of course there’s no gravity to drag you down. As for that floating around business, it was alright for the bird, he was used to it, but us dogs prefer to keep our paws on the ground. If I wanted to sleep, which was most of the time, I had a kennel, and the walls and roof stopped me drifting off too far.

The parrot had brought along plenty to keep his clever feather brain occupied. He spent his time learning German, to add to his other languages, and solving cryptic crosswords on his computer.

After we had been bending space for about four weeks, we finally picked up a signal. I could clearly hear it through the speakers. It was three long woofs, followed by three short ones: Like this:

Woof woof woof
Wuf wuf wuf.

Intelligent life ! This is what we had come all this way to find. We had been trained in the procedure. The Major started to peck on some buttons on the wall. Our course locked onto the signal and we headed straight for its source. In the meantime, I returned some friendly barks into the microphone, but the major said that we would get there before the sound of my barks – figure that one out if you can.

Before too long, we sighted the distressed space craft through the big window. You could see it was in a bad way, because panels were missing off the roof, and bits and pieces of debris were trailing behind it.

“Best be careful,” said the Major, “We don’t know if these aliens have friendly intentions.”

I couldn’t agree enough, but our orders were to make contact and, if possible, to bring any evidence of their life back to earth. I gruffed into the microphone,

“Hello canine friends. We come in peace. Would you like a tow to anywhere in the Universe?” But they just repeated the woofing exactly as before. It was just like a blooming recording.

“They don’t seem all that smart to me,” I said. The Major looked like he was about to say something clever, but he didn’t have a chance because seconds later there was a loud crash and we were both juddered and thrown all over the place. Fortunately the walls of our quarters were padded with cushions, or one of us might have broken a paw or a wing.

When we had recovered our senses, we saw that the idiots in the other craft had crashed into us. I mean, you’d think with all infinity to drive through, they could have found their own space. But at least our window was now next to there’s. We could see in – and just as I had suspected – their ship was crewed by three fellow pouches.

I can’t tell you what this moment meant to me. You travel millions of miles, you meet beings from another world, and it turns out that they are dogs who are smart enough to build and fly their own space craft, all be it badly.

While pride for my species was swelling in my heart, the Major squawked:

“You stay here. I’m going out for a space walk.”

His space suit was suspended from the ceiling. It was a clever design with a self fastening zip. He was dressed in about a minute, and not much later he was waving a wing at me from the other side of the window. I was glad it was him out there, not me. Fortunately he didn’t find much more damage to our ship than a couple of dents. He hooked up a towing rope to the other ship, and popped back inside via the air lock.

We were almost set to go. I said into the microphone: “Right, where to boys?” and they beamed over a map. The Parrot spent some time studying our own star charts, and comparing theirs to ours. At last he squawked “Got it !” and pecked some coordinates into our ship’s computer. The star map on the ceiling of our quarters lit up, and “Zoom” we were on our way.

As we went, I tried to speak to the dogs in the other ship, but their woofs made little or no sense to me, and I gave up trying to communicate. They seemed to prefer snoozing to talking, and I thought to myself, “Well we will see soon enough what the planet of the dogs is like.”

And sure enough, after only a couple of days we were already in orbit around their world. As I looked down into the swirling seas and sprawling land masses, it all seemed strangely familiar. It was as if I had seen it all before in a dream. I started to think big thoughts, like perhaps the spirits of dogs come from this world when we are born, and return here when we die. Perhaps somewhere else there is a planet of the parrots, and perhaps each and every species has its own home in one corner of the universe, where they are lords and masters and all is perfect for them, just like the humans rule our Earth.

The dogs in the other ship sent over another map with instructions about where to land. If anything, entering a world is worse than leaving it. The ship grows horribly hot with friction against the atmosphere, and you are going so fast you can’t help wondering if you’re going to crash and that will be it, but when the parachute opens and you are drifting down through a clear sky, all is bliss. I wondered what our welcoming party would be like. No doubt they would be as amazed to meet dogs from another planet as we were. My only worry was that they might think me stupid, because it seemed to me that their canine civilisation was as advanced as the humans’ on our own planet.

We landed, as you generally do, with a bone shuddering thud, and after weeks of weightlessness, I had trouble standing up. It’s like learning to to walk all over again. The parrot was flying before I was walking. He was fluttering at the window.

“Core !! “ he said, which was his own parrot language and I didn’t understand it. Then he switched into English, which is what Jenny spoke and which I understand perfectly.

“You’re not going to like this,” he said. I staggered over to the window and pressed my nose against it. A cart was coming towards us along a track through the field. It was pulled by a set of four dogs in harnesses. Seated above in the vehicle were two hideous creatures. It wasn’t the first time we had seen such abominations. They were cat people !

It breaks my heart to recount what happened next. The ship that we had towed was lying on its side. I wondered if the poor dogs had suffered broken bones in the landing, but they were unhurt. The hatch flew open, and they climbed out, and jumped down onto the ground. They ran across the field, their tales wagging, towards the cart. They were glad to be home – back to where dogs were slaves – back to the Planet of the Cats !

“I’ve seen enough,” I said. “Let’s get out of here,” and the Parrot started to apply his beak to the computer. A few pecks fired the rockets and we were lifting off. I hope that our exhaust singed some cat whiskers down below, and if it burned some dog fur, so be it: they were cowards and traitors to their own kind.

For a long while I was silent. I could not take it in. Eventually, when we were well on our way, I said to the Major:

“Why? Why did they want to go back? They were free dogs. We could have taken them back to Earth where they could hold their tails high? Ours might not be the planet of the dogs, but at least, the humans treat us, well, humanely, and not like slaves.”

“Why?” said the parrot. “Some creatures find freedom frightening.”

And I thought to myself, that however much I loved Jenny and my family life, I also loved the freedom of space travel. Yes it was a scary business, but when you are out there in the universe, nobody can tell you what to do. I made a promise to myself that I would never be afraid of freedom, and one day I would find the corner of the universe which dogs can call their own home.

Download the MP3 Audio of Astropup Two (right click, save as)

The Planet of the Cats. The second and concluding part of our venture into outer space (see part one here). To recap – Bonzo the dog – better known as Astropup – was an ordinary pet dog belonging to Jenny. When his family moved to Kuwait, Pa gave him to the Space Centre. From there he was sent on a journey to another planet in the company of a cat and a parrot. This was unfortunate, as Bonzo hates cats more than anything in the universe.

The new planet looks like Earth by the sea-side. But what sort of creatures live there ? Will they be nice or scary ? And will Astropup ever return home to see Jenny again? Listen and find out.

Voices by Natasha. Duration 20.33.

The cat said that if we stayed on the beach, we would die of hunger. But I said that wasn’t strictly true. We would die of thirst before we died of hunger. We argued about that point for a little while, but eventually we agreed to go in-land. We climbed up the dunes, and nosed our way through some long grass. The parrot flew over-head, and it was then that I saw that she had a something strapped to her foot. When I pointed this out to the cat she said,

“Haven’t you noticed that before? It’s a camera. She’s filming us, so that the humans can see what we are doing. They were too afraid to come here themselves, so they’ve sent us to explore and the parrot to film us.”

By that stage, I really didn’t know whether or not to believe a word that cat said. I was still looking out of the the house of Jenny’s grandma.

We came to a wood and a stream, and lapped up pure cold water. The cat said that proved she was right. We weren’t going to die of thirst, but we were going to die of hunger. I was too tiered to argue any more. We went to sleep, and in the morning continued on our journey. I chased a few rabbits and squirrels, but didn’t catch anything. The cat said that was because I yapped and made too much noise. If only I would leave the hunting to her, she would have a chance. And I told her that if only she would learn to keep her mouth shut, she would be much improved as a traveling companion.

At long last we saw a house. It wasn’t the house that belonged to Jenny’s grandma, but I thought that the people who lived there would know how to help us. I told the cat to fluff up her fur and look cute, if that was possible for a cat to do. I practiced waggling my ears. That usually does the trick.

We went up to the door and I woofed politely. Nobody came out, so I woofed a little louder. The parrot sat up in a tree and watched us, still pointing that camera thing on his foot at us. Then from inside I heard something like a mee-ow. Uh-oh, I thought . Some people like cats, and other people like dogs, and this time it looks like Mog’s in luck, not me.

The door opened a crack, and I prepared to waggle my ears and role my eyes with all might might. My little tail was thumping on the ground of its own accord. But my hopes were not high, for my nostrils were filling up with the strongest smell of cat I had ever experienced. Oh, no, I thought. They must have hundreds of cats in there. What a dump !

The door opened more and somebody stepped out. I looked up and saw the strangest, weirdest, most horrific face I had ever seen. It was like a human face, but then it was also like a cat face. It had lips like a human, but long pointed teeth like a cat. It had a human nose, but a cat’s whiskers. It’s eyes were diamond shaped, and a scary green color, and its ears were pointed.

I am proud to say that I didn’t whimper, and I didn’t whine. In my heart I was terrified, but outwardly I was up for a fight to the death. I snarled at that dreadful cat person, and showed my teeth and all my gums. He or she or it, backed off behind the door, and I slowly withdrew down the path. By the time I reached the gate, I saw that the thing had come out again, and was cradling the cat, my former traveling companion, in its arms like a baby. And the Earth Mog had a big cheesy grin all over her smarmy face. That was the last I saw of her.

I continued down the road, full of trepidation. I saw a bicycle up ahead, and for safety’s sake, dived into the ditch and hid. When it got closer, I saw that its rider was cat-person. Half of me wanted to chase it down the road, but I resisted the temptation. Next an even stranger contraption came along. It was truly a sight that no self-respecting dog would ever want to see, and I tremble to tell you of it. It was a carriage, of the sort that I’ve seen in the park back on Earth. The driver and passengers were both cat people, but that wasn’t the worst of it. For it was pulled along, not by horses as you would expect back home, but by two great shaggy sheep dogs. Ahow Ahow Ahow ! The shame of it ! Dogs working like slaves for Cats !

By night fall, I was more hungry than terrified, and I began to wonder if the cat’s prediction of death by starvation would come true. I was so hungry I could have eaten fish, and normally I hate fish more than anything.

I came to another house, and from a distance I saw two dogs – little Jack Russell’s – tied up to a kennel. They were both eating from a bowl, and I went up and whispered, “Hey boys, could you spare a few morsels for a starving canine cousin.”

They both looked at me like they didn’t understand animal speak. So I repeated my request, and still they were dumb. Cautiously, I came forward and took a bite from their bowl. They didn’t stop me, but they didn’t need to. It tasted quite disgusting, and I spat it out. Only then did I see what it was. A dead mouse !

Another horror to add to my long list of horrors ! Dogs forced to eat mice ! If you’ve ever wondered what a world rule by cats would be like – and why in the universe should you have had such a dreadful thought – this is what it would be like. Disgusting and degrading from start to finish.

The next morning, I was sleeping in a ditch, and I was so hungry that I was starting to regret not eating that mouse. That Mog’s prediction was coming closer to fulfillment. Aw Awooooo ! What a way to go to the next world ! On an empty stomach ! Oh, I forgot, I already was in a different world. Silly me. That was the hunger getting to my brain.

When the dog catchers came, I was already too weak to run away. Two cat people wearing masks over their moggy features, scooped me up on a spade and shoveled me into a the back of a cart. I was only just aware of bumping along the road. When we arrived at the end of our journey, I saw that the cart was pulled by a couple of German Shepherd Dog Slaves. A cat person dragged me, half dead, into a building. At least it was filled with canine sounds, but they were far from comforting. This was a giant prison-kennel, full of dogs barking and howling. I could not understand the local language on this planet, but I could tell you for sure that those weren’t happy doggies. I would say they were close to going crazy.

I was shown into a prison cell inside of which were ten other dogs, but at least there was a trough of water. My fellow couped up pouches weren’t a bad lot. Although we had no words in common, I could tell they were making the best of things . It seemed to me that they were making jokes at the expense of the cat people. It was a pity I could not have joined in, but then again, even if I could have told them that I had dropped in from another world – a world were all dogs looked down on cats and chased them up trees – a world where dogs were respected and called “man’s best friend” – they would hardly have believed me. In fact, they would have called me nuts.

I managed to get some light sleep, but some time in the middle of the night, I was awoken by a light tap on the nose. I half opened one eye, so that anybody looking couldn’t really tell whether I was awake or not, and I made out the shape of a bird flapping around our kennel. It took me a while to realise who it was .

“Hello Parrot,” I said, “Did they lock you up here too?”

“No, you stupid mutt,” said the Parrot. “I’ve come to rescue you. Hang on a mo!” and with that he flew through out the bars and started work on the bolt that kept the door shut. It was clearly a lot of effort for a parrot to slide that bolt, but he was stronger than he looked, and somehow he managed it. The door creaked open, and I got to my feet.

“Hurry up” said the bird, but I couldn’t leave without the others, and so I woofed to my cell mates to wake the up. They did indeed wake, but so did the guard, a great brute of a cat person. He came at us, waving a big stick, but one of the mongrels in our cage rushed at him a bit his ankle. The cat person was meeowing with surprise and rage. I don’t suppose any dog had dared do that to him before – but it was too late for him to raise the alarm, because we were on the way out. A sheep dog knocked over another guard on final exit, and we were free and running down the road at full tilt. The parrot flapped in front squawking, “Follow me” and we kept on running till I could smell the sea air once again, and soon we were on the moon-lit beach. Two of the dogs from the prison had kept up with us – a speedy little whippet and the mongrel who had bit the guard by the ankle. The others had scattered into the woods.

The parrot led the way back to the space ship. “Those two can’t come in. There’s no room,” he said. But I insisted. I wasn’t going to leave my own kind behind in this dog-forsaken cat world. So in they came, and the door closed behind us. We waited an awfully long time, and some cat people must have found the rocket, because we could hear them clawing on the side of the space ship, but then it began to rumble and roar. I hope we singed a few cat whiskers on take-off.

On the long journey home the parrot explained quite a bit too me. He was the most highly qualified bird working at the space center. He could speak several languages including bird language, animal language, and was totally fluent in human language too. He had passed all the space center’s trickiest tests and exams with flying parrot colors. As a result he had been selected for this incredibly important mission. You see, a deep space probe had discovered a new planet. The evidence suggested that the planet was chiefly inhabited by cats and dogs. The top scientists decided to send a cat and a dog from earth as ambassadors, but as none could be found who spoke human language, it had been decided to send this most extraordinary parrot to go with us and report back. The scientists wanted us back on earth so they could watch the film and see what the planet and its inhibitions looked like. Oh boy. They were in for a surprise.

We were happy though, for we knew we were traveling to a world where we would be respected and fed nice food out of tins. The other two dogs started to learn some of our language, and I was able to tell them that and next time they set eyes on a mog, they could chase scoundrel up a tree.

We landed once again with a nasty bump. They really ought to design a space ship with a soft landing. It just goes to show that the people who make those things never travel in them. When the door opened, we slid down the slide onto hot sand. It was so hot that it made our paws want to dance. But soon enough people arrived in buggies traveling over the sand dunes, and some of them were pointing cameras at us. We were taken back to a big house where more people were waiting and clapping.

We were led in side and watered and fed to our hearts’ and stomachs’ content. Some nasty vets did take a look at us, but a short sharp jab in the behind was a small price to pay for returning back to a decent world where cats know their place. It was certainly a hot and sunny country though. I asked the parrot where we were, and he said it was called Kuwait.

Kuwait. That sounded familiar, but after all my adventures, I couldn’t quite say where I had heard that name before. It was only later that evening when I heard a lovely voice calling “Bonzo ! Do you remember me? ” when I twigged it. Yes, this was where my family had come to live, and now Jenny had come to meet me.

How lovely it was to see my best friend. She was cuddling me and kissing me, and telling me that I was her hero. She had seen me on the television news, and they had dubbed me Astropup.

I wasn’t allowed home for a week or two while the space center did tests on me, but now I’m back with Jenny in her new house in Kuwait. Sometimes I see the other two dogs from the cat planet. They’ve found good homes too, and are spoiled rotten. There’s a cat who lives in a house nearby, but I can’t even be bothered to chase him. He’s beneath my contempt.

Occasionally I’m invited onto a television or radio show, and they show the pictures the parrot took of me as I snarled at that evil cat person. Pa likes to boast about me, as if he was the one who had trained up his dog to be a famous explorer and pioneer in space.
Just yesterday, Pa said that soon we will be going back to live in our to our usual country. We’ll be going by plane I’m glad to say. No more space ships for me. Not ever again.

Download the MP3 Audio of Astropup (right click, save as)

Storynory journeys into outer-space. This out-of-the way travelogue is told in two parts by Bonzo the dog, otherwise known to the world as Astropup. (Both parts collected here).

Bonzo is an ordinary pet, until one day his family moves to Kuwait. Pa (Dad) says that Bonzo can’t come with them, and he donates Bonzo to the Space Centre. There he meets a cat and a parrot, and from the first the three animals do nothing but quarrel. Unfortunately, they have to put up with each other’s company because they have been chosen to travel together on a mission to another planet .

You will be able to catch the second and final part next week

Read by Natasha. Sponsored by Audible books. Duration 15.29.

Hello. My real name is Bonzo, which is quite a boring name for a dog. But nowadays, most people know me by my nickname, which is much more exciting. They call me, Astropup.

I used to live an ordinary sort of life, chewing slippers, chasing cats and birds, and generally amusing the family I lived with. They were all kind of cute, especially the little girl whose name was Jenny. Jenny used to cuddle me and take me for walks. But I always suspected that Pa didn’t like me much. He never really forgave me for the time I had an accident in his new car. I was only a very small puppy at the time, and hadn’t learned that you have to go outside under a tree, but after that little mishap he always looked at me in a suspicious sort of way. One evening, after Jenny had gone to bed, I heard him say to Ma: “Of course we’ll have to get rid of the dog. Jenny will be upset, but she’ll soon get over it when she makes lots of new friends in Kuwait.”

I didn’t know where Kuwait was. It might as well as be a different planet as far as I was concerned. But I got the message that the whole family was moving there and Bonzo the dog wasn’t going with them.

I tried to explain all this to Jenny in the morning. I looked at her pleadingly with my big brown eyes while she was eating her breakfast. She sneaked me a bit of toast under the table, which was very kind of her, but it wasn’t what I meant. Just then Pa came into the kitchen and shooed me out into the garden. Nasty man.

Normally, after Pa has dropped Jenny off at School, we don’t see him until evening, and we can all get on with our business without being shooed and ordered about, but this time he came back home straight away. I knew that something was up. Soon he was pulling me by the lead to the back of his car. I dug my heals in as best I could, but he was much bigger than me. If you are a dog, you soon learn that it’s best to trot along on the lead, rather than to sit down and be dragged. You end up at the same place, but with fewer bumps on your behind. I hopped into the car, but without any enthusiasm. Somehow I didn’t think that were were going walkies in the park. Pa drove out of the town and onto the big road. I got bored and thirsty and went to sleep on the back seat, but I didn’t have any nice dreams. Eventually I realised that Pa was parking the car, and I pressed my nose against the window to see where we were. It was a strange place, rather desperately in need of some grass and few nice trees. It was all hot tarmac, gleaming glass, and concrete.

Pa led me inside a huge building. After a long wait, a woman dressed in a white coat came to collect me. Ah-oh, I thought. This is one of those vets. I know what that means. Kind, weezily words like, “Nice doggy, this won’t hurt you” that nobody but a fool would believe. Then all of a sudden, a sharp jab in the behind. The treachery !

Pa left me there without so much as a curt pat on the head. AW! AW! if only Jenny knew that I was here. The woman put me – would you believe it, into A CAGE ! The humiliation of it ! Me, a loved family pet, dumped in the animal prison. For I wasn’t the only creature there. I was sharing this gaol with a cat, a monkey and a parrot, each in its own cage. I couldn’t even be bothered to snarl at the cat. What was the point? We were all suffering together.

AooooW ! AoooooW !

After a while, the cat said to me.

“Stop moaning pooch features. You won’t be here long. They only need intelligent animals in this place.’

“What for?” I asked.

“Why, haven’t you read the poster on the wall?” asked the cat. “Oh, pardon me. I forgot for a moment. You’re a dog so you’re too stupid to read. Well I’ll tell you. That’s a picture of a rocket, and the writing says that this is a space center. This is where they pick animals to be astronauts and to go to places in the sky. But as I said, you needn’t worry. Only intelligent animals can pass all the tests.”

Of course I didn’t believe her. Cats talk the most utter nonsense – you know.

The cat hissed, “Stupid Pooch!” And I snarled through the bars of my cage. She wouldn’t have dared be so rude if I could have got anywhere near her. The parrot started repeating “Stupid Pooch, Stupid Pooch” And I barked and the cat screamed, and soon the woman in the white coat was in to see what all the fuss was about.

“Now, now you three,’ She said. “ They can probably hear this racket on the other side of the galaxy” She looked cross, but she did open my cage and let me out. I felt very superior as we left the others behind. But the place she led me to smelt of disinfectant mixed with pee. That was where they gave me the soft talk followed by sharp jab in the behind. I knew it ! The traitors ! Soon my eyes felt heavy and I wanted to take a nap. I curled round, tucked my nose under my paw, and I was out.

I woke up in a strange room. It was a bit like Pa’s car, only bigger and without any windows. The cat and the parrot were there too. The cat was eyeing up the parrot as if she wanted to eat him, but the parrot was safe behind a glass wall. The cat and I were free to roam around, so at least she had to show me a bit of respect, in case I might nip her. That was good. Things had been arranged so that I was in charge. Then some lights started to flash, and there was a rumbling noise for a long time. The cat looked as sick as a parrot and the parrot looked as sick as well, a parrot, and I Iooked – probably much the same.

A voice squarked “10, 9, 8….” I looked up and saw it was the parrot speaking.

“Oh do shut up you stupid bird,” said the cat. And it was then that the whole caboodle started to roar and shake. At first it felt like my tummy was dropping down into my paws, and then, after quite a while, things seemed to go back to normal. It was quite dark, apart from some strange greenish lights. . I wanted to go to back sleep, but the cowardly meowing of the cat kept me awake.

“Listen Mog, “ I said. “If we are all going to die, let’s die quietly. And that’s an order.” But she didn’t shut up until much later.

Eventually, I fell asleep, and when I woke up I saw that some breakfast had arrived in two bowls, one for me, and one for that cat. And the cat had eaten both of them. This was too much. I decided to kill the cat and eat her instead. That would be the end of my troubles. But when I pounced on her with my teeth bared, I found that instead of shooting towards her, I was sort of floating in mid air. My paws were paddling all over the place, but it made no difference. Even the parrot was impressed by my flying. The cat leapt out of my way, and she too was flying around like a fat balloon. This was all very strange.

After we had both settled back down on the floor, I decided to show my leadership qualities.

“Hey,” I said. “Those humans are probably watching us and think this is all hilarious. Let’s learn to be friends, at least while we are cooped up in here – and when we get out, then we can kill each other.”

Even the cat had to agree that I was talking sense, and the parrot seemed too stupid to express and opinion on the matter. From then on, we lived by some rules, the most important of which was that if anybody ate my dinner, they were dead.

I don’t know how long that awful journey went on. I used to think that Jenny’s grandma, was a long way away, but this took much longer than going to her place by the seaside. Food seemed to appear when we were asleep, and although we made the usual mess that all living things make, the straw on the floor just seemed to eat it up and it disappeared. It was a clever contraption that we were in.

Eventually, we heard the roaring sound and the contraption started to shake again. The cat was mewowing “We’re all going to die,” and I didn’t even bother to tell her to shut her silly snout.

Our journey came to its end with an almighty bump and we were all three of us thrown around the place. This time we didn’t float harmlessly around, and we all ended up with bruises, but nothing too serious. But we soon forgot about all that when a door opened in the side of the contraption, and we were greeted by the sweetest, most gorgeous smell in the the universe. Fresh, salty, sea air. So perhaps we had come to Aunty Jane’s after all, by the round-about route.

The Parrot’s cage flew open and she was out in no time. The cat went sliding down a shoot, and I came after her. Soon I was splashing through the surf of the sea, and the cat was looking at me like I was crazy. The parrot was sitting up on a sand dune. I hadn’t been so pleased to be alive since I was a puppy. All I needed now was a stick to fetch, and my happiness would have been complete.

When I came out of the sea, I shook myself so that the water went flying all over the cat and the parrot – that trick never goes out of fashion, and I woofed with joy.

After a while I barked “Cheer up Mog. Aren’t you glad that we’ve arrived?”

“I’d be happier if I saw a mouse,” said the cat. “What are we going to eat? Unless you know how to fish, we’re going to starve to death”

“Don’t be stupid.” I said. “Some humans will come along soon and take care of us. My owner’s grandma lives some where near by. “

“Your owners grandma? said that cat quite astonished. “She’s only a million miles a way. Haven’t you got it yet? They’ve sent us to another planet.”